Body shaming is the action or inaction of subjecting someone to humiliation and criticism for their bodily features (thanks for the definition, Wikipedia).
Body shaming comes in a variety of flavors: fat shaming, thin shaming, hair shaming, bald shaming, height shaming, skin color, muscularity, how big or small certain body parts are… You get the idea. If it can be criticized and insulted, it has been and will be.
Why do people body shame? Insecurity is a big reason. Most of us deal with some form of body insecurity, and making fun of someone else’s appearance takes the heat off us. It also makes us feel a little better about ourselves because we’re not like THAT person.
Like OMG can you imagine? Gross.
Body shaming is a form of control, especially over women by men via emotional manipulation and social pressure. Body shaming negates bodily autonomy because it’s no longer just your body: you must conform to the (almost always unhealthy) standards of beauty and aesthetics WE have determined for you.
What makes it worse is when someone (usually a man who’s shaming a woman) claims they are critiquing another’s appearance and body out of concern, when in reality the man isn’t worried about anyone’s health and wellness, he’s just pointing out that she isn’t someone he wants to F**k.
I’ve been both the target and the instigator of body shaming… mostly the latter in my youth. After I got educated on the matter, I stopped doing it. I don’t say that to garner praise. I don’t deserve recognition for doing the bare minimum.
And let’s be clear: everything I’m proposing in this article is the absolute bare minimum.
I don’t body shame because I don’t know what other people are going through. I can’t speak on their experiences or struggles. Life is hard. Who am I to judge? My body isn’t perfect. And while many of us are influenced by the beauty standards of our culture and the propaganda from Hollywood and from companies constantly trying to sell us products to fix what they want us to believe is wrong with us, much of what we find attractive is subjective.
I don’t body shame because it doesn’t matter at all who I find attractive or not attractive. My personal preferences are exactly that: personal. They apply to me, and only me. They aren’t universal standards everyone should adopt. To quote the modern-day philosopher Sir Mix-A-Lot, I happen to like big butts and I cannot lie, but you should be free to like what you like and be who you are without harassment and ridicule.
I don’t even body shame people I dislike. I’ve heard well-meaning people insult someone’s weight and justify it by saying, “well they deserve to be shamed.”
Of course I’m thinking about Donald Trump here.
I don’t body shame, and I don’t make exceptions, not even for someone as morally repugnant as Trump. He may “deserve to be shamed,” but not because of his weight. Trump’s shame is due entirely to his actions and rhetoric which have harmed so many people over the years. Likewise, if Trump were a decent human being who cared about people and wanted what’s best for the country, his weight, height, blood sugar, et cetera wouldn’t matter at all.
Now, let’s try to approach this topic with a little nuance, and I want to tread carefully here. Trump has a long history of body shaming women. Noticing that Trump doesn’t exactly have the best physique and isn’t in great physical or mental health points to his hypocrisy.
We shouldn’t despise him because his body is far from perfect. We speak out against his hypocrisy. Trump shames others for not meeting the standards of beauty and fitness that he himself has always failed to meet. Again, the problem isn’t his looks or his weight per se: the problem is the double standard.
Another reason I don’t body shame is my desire to not hurt other people. Anyone who hears me insult someone’s appearance who looks even remotely similar to the person I’m insulting will know deep down how I feel about the way they look too. They would likely assume I don’t point such criticism at them directly because I like them or just don’t want to be rude. I’m sure many of them would wonder what I say about them when they aren’t around. And they would be right to wonder.
I don’t body shame because a person’s appearance – or, rather, how attractive I find a person’s physical appearance – should not be a priority vis-à-vis how I interact with and value other people.
Judging someone based on how good we think they look isn’t a gauge of that person’s quality as a human. It’s proof of the lack of ours.
